The truth about pregnancy...

Help - i've been inhabbited by another human!  A lovely little parasite (don't get me wrong - I LOVE this parasite) who is causing all kinds of weird things to happen to me. 

People are constantly asking how I'm feeling.  How the pregnancy is going.  It's like when people say how are you.  You just respond "great" and leave it at that because people don't want to REALLY know.  WEll here's the truth.  Here's what my honest answer would be.

WARNING: this is a graphic, honest account of a woman who is 28 weeks pregnant. 

1. Stretch Marks: I have gone up and down in weight in the past so I thought that maybe i'd skip the stretchmarks.  No such luck! A few weeks ago they arrived.  I have six so far.  Six bright pink squiggles on my buldging belly.  It's not cute. 

2. Hair: I have really fair/light body hair.  I never even really noticed it before. Suddenly when I look at my belly I have all of this blond hair that sticks straight out.  What in the world?!  It's like someone rubbed a balloon on my belly.  Maybe it was always like that and I just didn't notice it because my stomach didn't stick out so far there was no escaping it.

3. My boobs: I've always had huge boobs.  I was C cup by the time I was twelve years old.  From there they just got bigger.  I've generally considered them my best feature.  Now they are just a nuissance.  They aren't just big. They are obscene.  HUGE. And my nipples are getting huge.  AND...I get this completely random boob pain.  It tends to happen when it's cold.  One or both nipples will feel like someone is twisting them...HARD.  It generally lasts about 20 minutes or so and it' so painful that I can feel it in my teeth.  The only thing that seems to help is heat so if I'm out I'll get in my car and crank the heat or if i'm at home I will blow dry them.  Hey - don't judge! You haven't had 20 minute titty twister pain, okay?

4. My lower back: It hurts. All the time.  If I drop something I have to stop and think if I really care enough to go through the pain of picking it up.  I practically started crying yesterday when I was changing the cat box.  I had taken out all of the old litter and put the garbage bag by the front door.  I walked back over to the cat box and realized that I had spilled a bunch of litter.  Damn it! I get the vacuum, put the attachment thing on it and vacuum it up.  I go to lift the box of litter but it's heavy.  I balance it on the edge of the cat box as i'm pouring the litter in.  The weight of the litter tips the cat box and you guessed it - more litter on the floor.  I get the vacuum again.  By the time I was done, I was exhausted. 

5. My hips: Ever notice how when some pregnant women walk they stick out their pelvis.  I totally get why now.  It takes the pressure off and is much more comfortable.  Not more attractive but definitely more comfy.  My hips mostly hurt when I'm trying to sleep. 

6. Sleep: Oh sleep.  Forget sleep.  I have four body pillows and four regular pillows on my bed. I've tried every combination possible in trying to find a comfortable position.  It doesn't exist.  If I do get to where I'm fairly comfy then I have to pee. 

7. Peeing: Every time I stand up the pressure goes to my bladder and I have to pee.  Immediately.  If I feel like I can hold it, two minutes later I realize I was nuts.  I am my bladders bitch. 

So there's the truth.  Maybe next time someone asks how i'm feeling I'll just tell them I'll email them = )

Again, I LOVE my baby. I do! Next time I'll focus on the happy side of pregnancy.